You Know You've Been in Thailand Too Long When...

I've been living in Thailand for over 15 months now.  I've realized that I'll probably have more of a culture shock leaving here than I did moving here.

Welcome to my Thai life.. 

You know you've been in Thailand too long when.. (Chelsea edition)

• A bug is in my rice or noodles and I pick it out and continue eating my meal
• I no longer flinch in fear of getting rabies when passing by a barking wild stray dog
• I carry a supply of TP everywhere I go
• I keep a small baby powder with me everywhere I go during hot season
• When I skype with my friends, I'm most excited to hear what they had for dinner that night
• When a Thai person tells me to be somewhere a certain time, I follow a simple equation.  Time told to arrive + 20 to 30 minutes = actual needed arrival time AKA Thai time
• Mosquitoes no longer find me tasty
• I don't remember the last time I buckled my seat belt while in a car (thats a lie, I frantically fastened my belt when in the back of a cab when our drunk cab driver in Malaysia began angrily ranting about the Malay mafia and speeding through police checkpoints after accepting a time challenge from himself to see how quick he could get us to our hostel). Correction: I don't remember the last time I buckled my seat belt while in a car while in Thailand.. I think the answer is I never have.
• Whats a knife? I cut up my food with a spoon and eat my meal with spoon in right hand, fork in left.. its more of a shoveling action
• I don't think twice about need to pay to use a public restroom and I'm thrilled to find one that isn't a squatter
• I have begun doing the hand gesture of having my right arm out, palm down, and waving my fingers back and forth which is used to hail cabs and as a way to say "come here" (I use this often with my kids) to my western friends 
• I no longer even think about my wardrobe options, what I wear to school depends on what day of the week it is. Monday - yellow, Tuesday - pink, Wednesday - green, Thursday - orange, Friday - blue.
• I stand in the shadow of the telephone pole while waiting for the songtell in the morning
• Ice in a glass of beer is 100% completely normal, and so it drinking a large strong drink out of a plastic beach bucket
• Crazy bugs like the green praying mantis are everyday occurrences. Hey, I've even eaten bugs at the night market! Thai crunchy snack
• No longer find strange that the entire country stops what they are doing at 6pm everyday for 2 minutes while the Kings Anthem is played, as well as paying tribute to the King by standing to his song before seeing a movie at the cinema
• I find myself tapping my toes and start dancing to Thai and Korean pop music.. and I like it
• Its all about Thai baht. Even though I can quickly convert Thai baht to American dollar if needed to, my mind strictly functions on the baht
• I get freezing cold when it drops below 70 degrees, my body has adjusted to constant heat and humidity
• I hop on the back of a motor bike with no second thoughts of "I need a helmet"
• "Are they a lady? A boy? A ladyboy!"  Thailand is one of the most inexpensive places places in the world to get cosmetic surgery ladyboys are quite prominent in Thailand. I've seen hundreds (hand size and adams apple are harder things to disguise) and I'm sure I've come across dozens that look so good I was fooled.  But I don't see it as some phenomenon, they are just another person at the mall or songtell and they are seemingly accepted by Thai society.
• I have spent HOURS saving and bookmarking recipes to whip up for when I finally make a move to a "real world"
• I've got people all over town that know my favorite meals and can make them exactly how I like it.  No need to say a word other than mutter "Same Same Ka" and my fried rice lady, som tom lady, pad thai lady, fruit market lady, yellow curry guy, and watermelon lady know exactly what I want and will whip it up just how I like it.
• If my Thai dinner costs more than 30 baht (a dollar), I know I'm being ripped off
• While walking through/by a group of parents, teachers, elderly people, monks, or government workers, its now very natural to duck/bow my head as a sign of respect
• It wouldn't be an everyday songtell ride to school if the driver didn't speed down the opposite lanes with his horn blaring to cut traffic then slam on his breaks when a passenger rings the bell to get off. Then someone else rings the bell 5 seconds later as they didn't want to walk 30 feet
• I expect to hear "Farang! Farang!" as well as "TEEEECHA" amongst the crowd everywhere I go. I'm used to my blonde hair making me stick out
• I'm not weirded out when the old lady next to me on the songtell begins stroking my arm while saying "SoooIi! SooooIi!"
• I can cross the street of a highway of traffic in five seconds flat by dodging all cars and motorbikes and using the dotted lane lines
• Everything is "same same but different"
• Seeing my kid speed off after school with both parents on the motor bike along with a baby and family dog and not a single one hearing a helmet doesn't make me think my kid lives in an unsafe home or is brought up by an unfit family
• When I tell Thai people in Bangkok or in the south that I live in Khon Kaen, they respond in uncontrollable laughter. I now know why. Khon Kaen / Isaan is the Iowa or Nebraska (BOONDOCKS) of Thailand.
• When staying in a guesthouse or hostel, I consider the geckos just extra weekend roommates and its lonely and too quite without their constant lurking and chirping
• When traveling, I accidentally start conversing to other travelers in broken English forgetting that they are fluent English speakers
• I spy an elephant walking down the busy street while I'm enjoying my noodle soup dinner and it approaches my table. Nothing new. 
• "Hurry and clean up! Teacher Chelsea is hungry and ready for lunch!"  "Teacher Chelsea says you need to share the legos." "Teacher Chelsea thinks today we will dance to the hokey pokey!"  Speaking in third person has become more comfortable than first person talk.

• And I do things like riding elephants, Full Moon beach partying, zip lining, eating mystery Thai market snacks, teaching 50 five year olds English, scuba diving, and pulling the tails of two tigers with no fear.. I find myself to be invincible.  Thanks Thailand, I now have the mindset that if I can survive and conquer you, I can survive, conquer, and thrive doing anything anywhere!

Sidenote: I may be a bit strange and awkward when first moving back into a first world country where I'm not the only farang, so friends be ready to re-culture me! Its almost time for me to leave Thailand (sometime within the next three months) and have a new adventure! But for now, as crazy as it is.. I still love my thai-rrific life!

(I can't get enough of the word "thai-rrific".. I just think I'm so clever) 

Weekend in Chiang Mai chillin with some big cats